


rediscovered

by harringtonss



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Alcohol, Fluff, Gay Idiots in Love, M/M, Super angsty, takes place in antwerp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 20:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20319385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harringtonss/pseuds/harringtonss
Summary: Theo spends the night in Antwerp with Boris, and confessions follow.





	rediscovered

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic ever so sorry if it isn't great, feedback would be appreciated :) enjoy

Boris sits in front of Theo, a glass of whiskey in his left hand and his right hand resting on Theo's ankle. It's late in the evening, and a heaviness hangs in the air. He stares down at the hair that peaks out from beneath his pajama bottoms. The alcohol is making things starts to go a little fuzzy around the edges and Boris is afraid that all the words on the tip of his tongue are going to come tumbling out any second. But maybe they should. Maybe he can find the courage to open up about all the unspoken things between them. Boris begins to shake, thinking of how Theo may react if he were to finally be honest and tell him the truth, which is, of course, I love you.

Boris begins to part his lips and looks up at Theo, who stares back at him. He trails his hand up a little higher, finally making contact with Theo's kneecap. "I-" he starts, interrupted by Theo jumping up and shutting down Boris before he even gets the chance to speak. "Here Boris, let me get you a blanket or something, it's like a fucking icebox in here and you're shivering like crazy." Boris noticed Theo was shaking too, and yet he said nothing. They both knew that wasn't the reason he was shivering. And to be truthful, it wasn't even that cold in the flat. Nothing Boris, who had spent winters in Russia, wasn't used to.

"No, is okay. I should be getting to bed. Had a long day and am feeling very tired." Which couldn't have been further from the truth. He noticed Theo's eyes falter and his mouth begin to open, as if he was beginning to say something important but, instead, "alright, goodnight Boris." Another wall being solidified between them. Boris retreated to his bedroom and sat on his mattress, feeling maybe ready to give up and then something came over him. He felt a rush of anger through his body, and decided he was tired of playing this game that they had going on for far too long. 

Boris burst in the spare bedroom just as Theo bent down to grab a strewn shirt and fold it up, and jumped up as the door slammed shut from Boris' grasp. Theo turned and began to speak. "Jesus fuck, Boris! You can't just do that!" but Boris had had enough. "No Potter, I will do how I fucking wish, because I am done playing this chicken game and I have had enough pretend."

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Bor-" Theo look startled as Boris began to yell. 

"NO, fuck you Potter! you know exactly what I am talking about. For years and years we have never once spoken about this.." He began to gesture his arms wildly, as if he was pulling something tangible out of the air. "This thing between us, whatever the fuck it is. Every time something happens with us, rough hands here and there, a goodbye kiss, me showing up to stop your marriage to a woman you do not love, you act like it is nothing! Anytime I get too close and things become too real, you pull back. How can you deny it after everything? How can you deny it after you killed for me?" Theo purses his lips and stares at Boris, eyed wide. He certainly wasn't expecting this. Theo doesn't know what to say or, rather, how to say what he wants, so instead he sighs and stares at the ground.

Boris begins to tremble with rage and decides to continue. "After all this time, I find it in me to speak real words to you and you will not utter a word back. Say something, you goddamned Мудак! Say anything!" Theo isn't strong like Boris, He can't be brave or reckless or fearless. He may be standing in front of Boris a twenty-eight year old man, but he doesn't feel older than fourteen. He feels vulnerable in Boris' presence, Boris, Who knows him better than anyone in the entire world. Boris, who he would kill for and die for, the only person he would ever have given The Goldfinch up for. He stands in front of the only person he has every truly loved and can't find the words to tell him. 

"Alright Theo..." The name burns in the air with malice, "Have it your way. You were always a great pretender." He rises, tears in his eyes and feeling crushed, but just before he can reach the door , Theo catches his wrist. "Wait!" He practically screams and turns Boris around to face him. "I'm sorry Boris, I'm a coward," he starts, tears welling up in his eyes. "I've been so scared to admit it for so long, even to myself, but I'm in love with you, like ridiculously fucking in love with you. I'm terrified of the thought of loving anyone, because I know it just means I'm gonna lose them." Theo's tears now flow freely, and Boris wraps his arm around him and kisses his forehead.

"Potter, shhh.. is no need to worry. You could never lose me. I will always come back to you, no matter what I do you will always be what I want to come home to. And I don't care where that is. New York, Amsterdam, I do not care. Wherever you are is home to me." Theo only cries more, touched at Boris being soft and gentle, maybe for the first time between them that he isn't waiting for the other shoe to drop and violence to strike between them. 

"And Popchyk, of course. Popchyk is our home too." and at this Theo laughs.

He rises from against Boris' chest and looks into his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, I was afraid you might react horribly and hate me forever. I couldn't stand the thought of that. But I think you deserve to know this: You're the only person I've ever loved. I mean it. I've been in love with you since we were young, not a dollar between us and not a care in the world beyond our next meal and taking care of Popper. I didn't love you because it was convenient, or because we didn't have girls. I loved you because you were meant for me. Our souls are intertwined, whether we meant for it to happen or not." 

Boris stares at Theo, his eyes filled with adoration and his heart filled with so much love he thinks he might burst. "It has always been you, Potter. I am not meant to live without you, I think. And I am so crazy in love with you." Theo leans in to kiss him for the first time since they were young, and he feels like he's fourteen again, surrounded by the desert sky and begging Boris to come with him. Only this time, he knows Boris will follow him wherever he goes.


End file.
